Working with couples
When I first started my practice over fifteen years ago, the counseling I didn't want to do was working with couples. However, I soon found out that the people most in need were husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends and partners.
The therapeutic challenge is to make sure each person has an opportunity to tell their story. Most likely one of the biggest issues in their family of origin, was not being heard when they were growing up. They may have had parents who were unable or unwilling to listen to them and consequently felt unimportant in the family dynamic.
When working with couples its vitally important that each individual is heard with complete and compassionate attention to all of the details of their lives that may have caused the pain they are experiencing. Sometimes this relational issue is generational, and now history is repeating itself.
Unfortunately many couples who come in are in crisis, one or both may not be sure they want to stay in the relationship all all. Sometimes so much resentment has built-up over the years that it's hard to not lose hope.
We all want results quickly, however if its taken ten to twenty years to arrive at where they are, its going to take more than a few weeks to fix. If we don't feel like our partners care, it's hard to care about what they say.
I'm a results-oriented therapist and spend more on the "What do we do now" then living in the past, however our stories are crucial to the overall understanding and ultimately the best treatment plan for them as a couple.
I see myself as a coach and instructor; designing plays, learning new dance steps, and with the understanding that they are the ones who need to buy-in to the process. The success they have is due to their hard work and being intentional about working the plan.
I love it when I see couples learn how to fulfill each others expectations, through determination, commitment and sacrifice.
Lets get started!